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A New StartI try to bring myself back to when I stopped writing.
When the flow and ebb of rhyming words, rhythms, and emotion turned into a trickle,
And then faded away.
I try to bring myself back to that last poem,
But it’s too painful.
I remember words pouring out of me in a river of hurt.
I remember tears stinging at my eyes while I typed.
I remember the relief I felt to get words down,
To express myself in what was once the only way I knew how.
Apparently I lost the need for such emotional release.
Or perhaps I found another outlet.
It’s sad in a way,
Watching a part of my art,
A part of my soul drift off into the ether.
I’ve been contemplating lately...
Perhaps a rebirth is in order.
The Monster InsideIt’s funny how I’m still having these days...
You think you’re getting better,
you think you’ve got a handle on the pain.
But the paranoia never goes away.
It just lies in wait,
like an ambush predator,
and when that perfect moment of vulnerability passes…
and you feel your sanity shatter.
A million broken pieces,
with a reflection of your scream.
A silent plead for help,
but it doesn’t mean a thing.
Because no one understands it,
and no one ever could.
So you pull as deeply into yourself as you can,
and say it’s for your own good.
And even those who are the closest,
the ones who’ve heard it all,
have no idea how to help you,
every time you fall.
They hold you oh-so-tightly,
and say it’s all in your head.
They don’t realize you already know this.
That it’s the thing you dread.
Because you can slay the monsters,
and you can fight disease.
But when your mind is your worst enemy…
UntitledI love the light that sparks the eyes,
and the laugh that bursts up from the chest.
I praise the truth that smites the lies,
and the heart that pounds beneath the breast.
The cloud that bows before the sun...
I love the stars that fill the night.
The ray to which darkness comes undone,
and renews the soul for another fight.
Sometimes in life we truly smile,
in those rare moments of total abandon.
And we have our happiness last a while,
so in times of trouble we've something to land in.
A cushion of joy to break our fall...
...is a wonderful blessing, after all.
Taking A ChanceI never wanted to let the past go.
Rather let my bitterness have me.
I knew it wouldn't be long till my heart would explode,
Crippled by pain and jealousy.
The water was over my head.
Wondered if I was better off staying under.
Where I was safe,
But felt so dead,
Till you burst into my life like a clap of thunder.
And there was a strong grip at my shoulders,
Pulling me from my sorrow.
And as I breathed fresh air again,
I knew I'd make it until tomorrow.
I found the missing piece of my puzzle,
Though for the moment you didn't quite fit.
And as I watched you and her do things every couple does, well,
I just didn't want to admit...
That I'd fallen hard again.
My heart came crashing down.
My soul was soaring again,
Every time you came around.
And I cast glances across the room,
And I glared when you were talking to her.
I was falling,
Tumbling farther and farther down,
But I was spinning so fast it was all a blur.
And so I took a desperate step,
Because I couldn't keep up this charade.
Master PainterWith each stroke the brush pours life into the canvas.
Colors, shades and hues spreading like water,
Lapping over the thick ivory screen,
Like waves tumbling over the smooth sand at the brink of the ocean.
Your imagination, boundless as the evening sky,
Reaches out to grasp and mold the world around you.
Restricted by nothing but your own abilities,
Which even then stretch far and deep in their range.
I've glimpsed inside the depth of your mind,
Through your work,
Both paint and clay, and flesh and blood;
And within I've discovered a sparkling world of artistry,
Shining with the life you give to everything you create.
No matter understanding or not,
The beauty of the painting,
And the patience with which you shape your dream,
Speak entirely for themselves.
Amazement strikes deep within my soul,
For you aren't limited by the mere tools of art.
You've brought to life things far greater,
Without anything but the love in your heart.
Some of your most miraculous achievem
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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